Siege Diaries 6/18/2021

Today’s Daily Stoic writing prompt: Am I ready and able?

Yes, but is the world ready yet? That’s the main challenge right now, because we’re not quite there yet.

Another one of those days where I just feel like I’m going in circles. In this case, I am wanting to get to Monday, which is both when I pick up my glasses—and thus, can get out of the house for a drive—and can start the vaccine Hunger Games of tracking down an appointment for a second shot. I recognize that feeling of envy as friends are starting to chime in with either actual shots acquired or appointments made. I’m not so much feeling panicked hurry this time—as mentioned, I’d actually like to get the shot in early July—but I’m also wanting to get the thing done as early as possible.

But right now the major feeling is being stuck in the house and unable to leave because we’re still finishing up that driveway cure time. I’d really like to take a half day off next week, but Tuesday—the day that has lots of potential—may also feature rain. We’ve got some nice days this weekend, but again, can’t actually go anywhere. We even missed our once-weekly takeout food day.

I am also feeling, now that we might have the chance to possibly socialize again in sight, a little uncertain. One of the reasons that I always liked SCA events and activities as a modus for being with people is that I didn’t have to do work in terms of extending invites. I would just show up, my friends would show up, and things would happen. With very few exceptions, my default belief is “I don’t want to impose on you.” I’ve typically not had the greatest luck in getting people to come to my house, and I certainly don’t want to invite myself to theirs. I admire people who have been doing porch visits and that kind of thing over the last 16 months. Again—with a couple of key exceptions—no one has ever expressed a desire to come hang out on my porch (it’s tiny, anyway) and I certainly wouldn’t invite myself to someone else’s. (And yes, I see the contradiction there! But welcome to my brain. I’ll be in the corner over there, believing I’m imposing.). I am also aware I wrote a similar post last year. Yep.

Ultimately, I think, things will work themselves out. But increased desire for a little more human contact (and by contact, I do NOT mean hugging) doesn’t make me less socially awkward. So yes, I look forward to activities again that are regularly scheduled, or where I can just go out into the world again like a visitor from whatever planet it is I’m from,