Siege Diaries 7/17/2021

Today’s Daily Stoic writing prompt: Where have I abandoned others?

The associated meditation is talking about not abandoning people that perhaps aren’t as far along on the path of enlightenment as I am, but I don’t feel that that often with my friends. Perhaps this is just the quality of people I’ve generally found myself amongst–brilliant, caring, thinking, and wise people who push me to examine my own soul from time to time.

No, the place of abandonment that sometimes still bothers me deeply is with my parents. I know they raised me to be independent, perhaps knowing that the chances were they wouldn’t be around as long as other parents of my contemporaries because they were older. They planned well for their retirement, and had plans in place when first my mother, then my father faced significant health issues. I never once felt the pressure to contribute; quite the contrary, with my mother, because she’d declined so much by the time I moved back in, I felt oddly detached. We were also always a rather reserved family about physical affection, so that was not a language I felt fluent in–and I felt its absence. So there was the sense that while I was there, living in the same house, I wasn’t really there. And then I moved a few months before she died to our own place. With both her and my Dad, I wasn’t there when they died–but Mom died in her sleep and Dad was unconscious. That’s not to say there were no regrets. I knew my Dad wasn’t doing well, but I’d taken multiple days to rush down when he’d first gone to the hospital, and honestly, we had no idea how long he’d be there. I wished we’d had the capabilities for remote work back then, because I could have stayed. But it’s something I just need to live with.

Woke up this morning, checked radar. Huge swathes of green and yellow. Nope. Went back to sleep. I’ll hopefully see the concert next week.

Instead, I made arrangements to go pick up more of the divine blue wool from my friend, as did another set of friends. Some lovely visits ensued. Most significantly, I wanted to show off the suit I’d made from the wool, so I borrowed my husband’s vintage tie and the tie tack that had been my fathers, put on my American Duchess shoes, and dressed all 1930s-like. Took some photos afterwards, and realized that the jacket really needs to be pressed. I went into the Brantford Value Village after picking up the fabric and got some nice compliments; I also found a pair of suspenders, an interesting embroidery pattern, and a men’s double-breasted vest pattern.

Speaking of parents, I really see my Dad’s side of the family in these pictures. Something about the set of my mouth.

Finished up the final of the five embroideries. They will now be assembled together in a single quilted wall hanging. I’ve got them stitched together, including a border, and will press them tonight and finish up the piece tomorrow.

Finished up with a lovely online game of Terraforming Mars with my husband and a couple of friends; finished second.

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