The Unsaid Thing

My intuition is usually right.

I had been thinking for months now that something wasn’t quite right at work.

And yesterday, I lost my job.

I’m not spending a lot of time thinking about the whys and hows. The process allowed no time for goodbyes–but I have no problem with cleanly severing those ties. Most of the people I cared most about had left over the past couple of years. It was not the same. When I got the news, I immediately logged out of the work computer. It was shipped out by FedEx by the end of the day. I ceased worrying abut the projects I was just dropping in midair–although I remember taking on the obligations of a coworker let go in March of 2021, and wishing they had had time to transition things to me. Still, not my choice to make. I wonder if this is the reason why I couldn’t seem to get a meeting with a couple of the execs in the last couple of weeks–but again, I will not let it worry me. This is no longer my problem to solve.

I wonder–but not a lot–whether I’ll be missed at all. Someone will take over my projects, and I will never know what became of them.

I’m a little burned out, to be honest.

At the same time, I’m bursting with energy–because I’m thinking this is the chance I wanted to find something much more me. Now that I no longer have to worry about throwing away a perfectly good salary that kept me in the fun things I enjoy without much worry, I think it’s time to prioritize getting a job I’ll actually love. It might be in the arts or non-profit sector. It might involve more writing, or editing, or research, or training–all things I’m both good at and love doing. I expect my project management skills will be part of it–but perhaps through a new angle.

I’m no longer worried about absolutely having to have a full-time, non-contract position. I’m eager to find a niche where people love and praise creativity, where people are curious, where people love to learn. I’d love to find more nerds.

I want to feel like I’m having a real impact somewhere, using my knowledge for good in the world.

For now, I’m considering myself to be on sabbatical for a few weeks, where I research what’s out there and think about where I’d like to turn next. Ideally, whatever I end up doing is a thing I can continue with even past the traditional retirement age. We may take a few days for a short vacation. I have a trip to NYC at the end of next month, and another one–possibly–the month after. Those trips are key to my mental health.

Today, we took a short trip we’d originally planned for next week down to Windsor, to see the aviation museum and Ft. Malden. Tomorrow, a farmers’ market and maybe Ft. George.